The sophisticated observer would recognise Ranger Smith as nothing less than a forward scout; trailblazing the path for bloke-kind to plough into the mystic realms of Yoga; headlong and without hesitation. Now, after 5 weeks, and having reached the rank of 7th Dan Master Yogi, it’s time to impart my hard-earned insight on the rookies and aspirants. We’ll separate fact from fiction, and get to the bottom of what makes Yoga worthy of being in contention for classification as an Olympic sport.
Myth – Yoga was invented by Gandhi. It was actually his cousin, who in turn trained other gurus who all invented different styles and who now control the entire yoga world from their fortresses in Mumbai, Rome and Las Vegas. It all works. The best style is the one with the teacher who is good looking, whoops I meant to say who teaches a class that keeps you interested and satisfied.
Factoid – The first few weeks are all pain, and no gain. It will take you about 3 to 4 weeks before you can start to bend more than you used to. After 5 weeks, you can be a prodigy like me.
Fiction – Yoga is a religious cult that takes 10% of your income. Actually it’s a low cardio reasonably physical sport-like activity that aims to improve your flexibility and strength. Extremists will apply some lifestyle philosophies that you are free to ignore
Fact – Newbies will get weirded out by all the lying still and singing Kumbayah during the warm up, and cool down phases. But like they say…when in Rome. Just pretend, you get used to it.
Myth – Every yoga junkie is a vegan air snorter. This might give you street cred with the Nimbin Hippies, but you don’t lose any match payments for knocking back a cool one after your session.
Factoid – Every move is called blah-blah-asana. If you don’t know or remember them, just look at someone else. If you’re supposed to have your eyes closed, sneak a look at the instructor. If the instructor thinks you’re bludging or getting it wrong, they fix you up. Don’t sweat it
Fiction – Yoga is only for sheila’s. Actually, there are some power moves that a bloke can really nail, so it’s possible that when you pull a few of the moves, your ego gets a chance to max out.
Fact – If you go to enough classes, eventually you see a body part pop out that wasn’t supposed to. Don’t get too excited, keep coming and it’s sure to happen again. Here’s the tip…wear spandex pants. Trust me fella, you’ll need them more than a bike rider.
With this wisdom, you can set your sites on earning a bed in the Olympic Village. Get eliminated in round one, then spend the rest of your time watching the synchronised swimming and table tennis. It’s a good life – and you might just feel like the athlete you were when you were 20.