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More ‘broyoga’ with Ranger Smith……

The sophisticated observer would recognise Ranger Smith as nothing less than a forward scout; trailblazing the path for bloke-kind to plough into the mystic realms of Yoga; headlong and without hesitation. Now, after 5 weeks, and having reached the rank of 7th Dan Master Yogi, it’s time to impart my hard-earned insight on the rookies and aspirants. We’ll separate fact from fiction, and get to the bottom of what makes Yoga worthy of being in contention for classification as an Olympic sport.

Myth – Yoga was invented by Gandhi. It was actually his cousin, who in turn trained other gurus who all invented different styles and who now control the entire yoga world from their fortresses in Mumbai, Rome and Las Vegas. It all works. The best style is the one with the teacher who is good looking, whoops I meant to say who teaches a class that keeps you interested and satisfied.

Factoid – The first few weeks are all pain, and no gain. It will take you about 3 to 4 weeks before you can start to bend more than you used to. After 5 weeks, you can be a prodigy like me.

Fiction – Yoga is a religious cult that takes 10% of your income. Actually it’s a low cardio reasonably physical sport-like activity that aims to improve your flexibility and strength. Extremists will apply some lifestyle philosophies that you are free to ignore

Fact – Newbies will get weirded out by all the lying still and singing Kumbayah during the warm up, and cool down phases. But like they say…when in Rome. Just pretend, you get used to it.

Myth – Every yoga junkie is a vegan air snorter. This might give you street cred with the Nimbin Hippies, but you don’t lose any match payments for knocking back a cool one after your session.

Factoid – Every move is called blah-blah-asana. If you don’t know or remember them, just look at someone else. If you’re supposed to have your eyes closed, sneak a look at the instructor. If the instructor thinks you’re bludging or getting it wrong, they fix you up. Don’t sweat it

Fiction – Yoga is only for sheila’s. Actually, there are some power moves that a bloke can really nail, so it’s possible that when you pull a few of the moves, your ego gets a chance to max out.

Fact – If you go to enough classes, eventually you see a body part pop out that wasn’t supposed to. Don’t get too excited, keep coming and it’s sure to happen again. Here’s the tip…wear spandex pants. Trust me fella, you’ll need them more than a bike rider.

With this wisdom, you can set your sites on earning a bed in the Olympic Village. Get eliminated in round one, then spend the rest of your time watching the synchronised swimming and table tennis. It’s a good life – and you might just feel like the athlete you were when you were 20.


Are there still any Ranger Smith fans out there….

Only a few weeks was needed to calibrate the system, and now in week 4, BOOM, I’m in the zone. I’m seeing the little red ball like a watermelon, I keep throwing triple 20 after triple 20, the corner pocket is massive, I see the punch coming before Rocky even thinks of throwing it, and Gary Ablett (senior – of course) couldn’t get as much air going at the footy as me. A genuine marvel of mankind. Oh, and there is no move that I’m not nailing on the yoga floor. Except for the splits – that’s just silly. And there’s this cross legged thing that’s got me stuffed too. Maybe it’s a bloke thing. Other than that, there’s no limit as to how the remainder of the season is going to pan out.

I’m lying there, and the end of my session, thinking about all the little 1 per cent-ers that will make me unbeatable. There is some music drifting out of the speakers, but all I can hear in my mind is Led Zeppelin hammering out the raw groove of ‘Ramble On’. Come to think of it, they could do with some new tunes here. Next week I might bring in some Hendrix or a bit of Credence.

Speaking of the instructors, I’m trying to get a fix on where they’re coming from and what they are all about. Odd really…it’s sort of a cross between a fitness coach & your mum. Mean but nice. Maybe I meant to say wife…but that’s not really it. These ladies seem to smile more, like they want you to think that they care…but really, they’re cruel calculating professional assassins, crossbred with Mother Teresa. Maybe I did mean to say wife. Don’t be confused…really it’s OK.

There’s a thousand women here. A few of them occasionally comment how they keep trying to talk their man into coming. I tell you what bloke, stop your moaning about how stiff & sore you get just from mowing the lawn or smashing out 18 holes. Get on down here and give me some competition.

Another musing from Ranger Smith…..

Am I dead? Am I in a coma; or a trance perhaps? Is this some weird dream? No that’s right, I remember, Ranger Smith is doing Yoga. After a solid workout, it’s rest time … a bit like pre-school … with everyone lying still and quiet. It’s so relaxing. Hmmm, I wonder if anyone heard that fart … maybe a bit too relaxed.

After 6 training sessions – 3 solid weeks of combat, the record is 3-0. The bookies are offering the sort of odds that would suggest that my premiership window is wide open. But at this stage of the season I’m just taking it one week at a time.

The game plan is still pretty simple, but as the squad gets to know each other better, the strategy gets more complex, the moves get a bit more demanding, the execution more slick. Repetition, speed, composure, strength, style, calmness under pressure. No mistakes. Pushing yourself to the very edge … of the yoga mat. The action is intense. Many are struggling, but champions always stand up to be counted when it matters. No one remembers who was second place.

The conditioning has flicked up a notch. Oddly enough I can now touch my toes… while I reach for the ceiling. I seem to be bending down while looking up, stretching out while squatting down. I flip while I bend, and bend while I flip. I move left when I look right, and move right while I look good
Game, set, match.

Diary entry from the lovely Georgia English

We have a diary entry from the lovely Georgia English.
Its in 2 parts: A before and an After.

Here is part 1 (BEFORE):
Thurs morning 9.30 class
Feeling: Tired and irritable.

I’ve just dropped my children at school and as normal it was a crazy, chaotic morning filled with rabbits jumping around the kitchen, children refusing to turn off Harry potter to get dressed and most commonly with me constantly yelling “brush your teeth, come and get your hair done, HOP IN THE CAR”… Urgghh, the daily morning grind wears me down.
A million things are going through my head, thoughts of all of the jobs I need to do. I honestly feel over committed.

It will be interesting to see how long it takes me to push these thoughts aside to focus in class. It’s a challenge to switch of for an hour and a half.

Georgia May7

Part 2 (AFTER the class).

Feeling: relaxed, happy, calm, positive, enthusiastic about the day.

As I sit here, 15 minutes after finishing my hour & 1/2 class, I feel like a new woman…truly.
As soon as I walked in to the studio and was greeted by the gorgeous, smiling Jodie it was easy to forget the craziness of the morning.
The class was a gentle session, which suited me perfectly today. Surprisingly, switching off the stream of thoughts actually happened without much effort at all. The poses and vibe of class was relaxed, focusing on long lovely stretches and also included a bit of discussion amongst the group which was really informative.
Sometimes I find gentle classes a little slow, but today it was exactly what my body and mind needed. After a beautiful savasana (I think I was only moments away from drifting in to sleep!) I have walked away feeling fantastic.
Ahhhhh, thank you Yoga

Diary Entry # 2 from TYH Challenger Chris (aka Ranger Smith!)

Even the giants of society consider the Bio of one Ranger Smith as nothing short of impressive. Among my list of notable accomplishments are cricket megastar, pound-for-pound boxing icon, footballing champion, snooker and darts master craftsman, and international man of mystery. Now after just 2 weeks, (4 sessions), the scribes are already hailing the arrival of the next yoga immortal.

The pre-match routine is the same in any arena. A sea of supporters looking to get close to their hero and make small talk before the serious business begins. I settle down for some calm time to gather my thoughts. The match adjudicator gives some last minute instructions for the evening’s proceedings; adding to the gravity of their authority. The door clicks shut…show time.

There is the usual settling in period; all the players eyeing off the competition to see who they’re up against. Armchair critics will dismiss those in the fancy outfits as show ponies, but the experienced pundits know that the big guns attract the major sponsors, and they seriously back their key champions to look like the winners they are. I quickly gauge where my major threats will come from. Unfazed, I know my Limited Edition Manduka Pro Yoga Mat has got the rookies flustered.

I haven’t learnt all the rules yet, but I haven’t given away any penalties so far so I must be close to the leaders. Hold on a second, I don’t remember what that call means. What move do I do here? I’ll do the same as that woman in the bright green – the coach seems to know her well and she looks like a solid performer.

Ooh. That’s a bit tight. Hang on, why am I sweating? Ouch that hurts a bit. I’m puffing! I better take this seriously, I’ll get back to you later


Diary entry #1 by Chris…….

I was lying there waiting for the ground announcer to broadcast my name over the PA System as Best On Ground… when I realised something was different. There was no crowd, no goal posts, no score board, no winners???

What had I just spent the last hour doing?

Call me Ranger Smith, Yogi’s #1 adversary.

So here’s the story…
I’m a busted up, broken down, almost middle age, has been, semi football champion. I’m not 20 anymore….it hurts to do my shoelaces.

But I refuse to wear slip-ons, so I’m looking to get my mojo back at the at The Yoga House Challenge! It’s nothing like a reality TV show, I just have to do yoga twice a week for 11weeks.

Think of it as pre-season, and I’ve just finished the first session. Not too bad…..I can do this.
I wonder if they have a Grand Final here……


Introducing Chris, TYH Term 4 yoga challenger!

Chris Dolden

Well done Georgia – a great headstand. Your core strength is coming along beautifully.

Letting go of guilt, energy levels in the morning and just loving yoga….

The lovely Georgia gives an update on how 3 yoga classes a week are going for her as part of The Yoga House – Yoga Challenge.

Our Yoga challenge participant’s yoga practice is rubbing off at home…

Love it!! My little Ava poppit! She loves yoga and is always asking me to do a little yoga session with her! Her youthful flexibility is amazing!